


i hold on and you let go

by moonlitkwan



Series: falling for u [5]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: All's well because I don't like him anymore, Alternate Universe - High School, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Because I wrote this thinking of my crush, Crushes, Hopeful Ending, Instead of sleeping, Jihan barely interacts here just so you know, Light Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan - Freeform, Pining, Secret Crush, The members have the same age, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, gyuhan in a relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:22:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26688112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitkwan/pseuds/moonlitkwan
Summary: It was kinda funny how easy it was to make memories that you'll always treasure forever.And it was also funny how easy it was to forget those valuable memories in just one snap of a finger.And in just a blink of an eye, two close friends became strangers.With one forgetting, and one holding on to the memories.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua & Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Series: falling for u [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001655
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	i hold on and you let go

"Joshua, have you heard?"

It was kinda hard for the said male to erase all the unusual doodles and meaningless writings all bared on the chalkboard with the way his best friend was practically clawing and tearing his arm apart mercilessly, jumping up and down vigorously on the concrete ground with the hopes to summon an earthquake that could surely swallow up Joshua's entire love and patience he had for Seungkwan if his said best friend wouldn't quit his attempt on dragging him towards the hottest pits of hell.

"What?" Joshua grumbled under his breath with the hint of grimace etched to his lips, his eyes attached to a horribly drawn image of a male genitalia looking like a deformed cactus instead on the board that sparked out a soft outburst of curses from his mouth, reminding him of how immature other human beings could be in spite of their age. If he didn't erase the drawings on time and a teacher would see it, they'd be so screwed-

"Jeonghan and Mingyu are dating!" Seungkwan screamed into Joshua's ear.

Joshua prayed silently, prayed to the dear skies and heavens that Seungkwan failed to notice the way he stopped in his actions and momentarily forgot how to breathe, hoped that his best friend didn't hear the small choked sob that escaped his very lips (the same lips that almost said "I love you" to the guy that couldn't be his), hoped that Seungkwan didn't see the way a single tear rolled over his cheek and hoped that he didn't see him wipe it away with a quick flick of his thumb.

"Oh," he breathed out, "is that so?"

Seungkwan finally let go of the male's arm and leaned his back against the chalkboard, unfazed of the weird drawings that was currently claiming territory on his shirt and decided to continue with his eyes lingered on a random sheet of paper stretched entirely on the floor, "Mingyu is really lucky to have his crush reciprocate his feelings." 

There was something brewing in Joshua's stomach, there was something aching in his chest, there was something burning in his throat and there was something he wanted to let out, but in spite of the way he grasped the eraser tightly and the way his free hand was folded into a form of a fist, there was nothing Joshua could say nor utter out. And there was nothing he could do to stop the pain he was feeling.

And all Joshua could do was let out tears.

But with the way the male was standing in a classroom that was still overflowing with students waiting for the next teacher to arrive, he had come to a conclusion that he needed a rain check. The male could cry his heart out later, eat a lot of ice cream tubs and binge-watch kdramas at night in his room wherein no one would hear him and know of his pain but for now, Joshua needed to act neutral and unfazed with the unneeded information Seungkwan had given him. 

He needed to act strong and uninterested but it was hard. There were tears threatening to fall from his eyes no matter how much the male would drive them away, his heart was aching for someone that could never be his and his lungs were burning out with longingness instead of mere oxygen but Joshua pushed them all to the side with all the very strength and energy he had contained.

And when he was sure his feelings were secluded in a fragile container, Joshua put on a mask. 

"Good for him," Joshua placed down the eraser, not noticing the way his hands were shaking. "Meanwhile my crush doesn't even know that I exist."

Except that Joshua's crush did. 

And with that fact, they were very close friends.

Oh wait, let's rephrase that.

They used to be very close friends.

"Same," Seungkwan let out a sigh. "I can't even get my crush's attention but Mingyu here on the other hand is literally dating his crush! How to be him?"

Joshua wished he knew how.

He wished he knew how to get his crush's attention.

He wished he knew how to get his crush like him back.

Joshua wished it was him instead of Mingyu.

But most importantly, Joshua wished for Jeonghan to be his close friend again. It was kinda funny how easy it was to make memories that you'll always treasure forever.

And it was also funny how easy it was to forget those valuable memories in just one snap of a finger.

And in just a blink of an eye, two close friends became strangers.

With one forgetting, and one holding on to the memories.

Looking back, with his head wandering up along on the clouds, Joshua kinda realized that he didn't really mind if Jeonghan would never reciprocate his feelings. It hurt - quite a lot, honestly - that Jeonghan would never feel the same way but it was fine if it meant that Joshua could be really close to him and laugh with him, talk to him without bearing any hesitations and see him smile everyday.

And maybe - just maybe - he could be the reason why Jeonghan smiled everyday but with the way things unfolded out for them, with the way they stopped talking, and with the way they became merely strangers with blind memories, it was just not meant to be.

Yoon Jeonghan, and Joshua Hong were just not meant to be.

And that was a sad reality.

A reality that Joshua wholeheartedly accepted, no matter the cost.

Whether it would be the ache in his heart, or the painful bittersweet memories they had shared in his mind, Joshua accepted it with his heart bared and up on his sleeves.

But it didn't mean that it would not hurt.

It still did.

A lot.

Quite a lot.

"I guess the universe is on his side." That was the only thing Joshua could utter out before finding himself drawn back to his seat without bearing any plans to continue their conversation as his mood had fouled and he didn't want to talk to anyone else anymore. "And not on mine." He whispered to himself oh so softly.

The male took a nap since their teacher was running late for their class and sensing the chance, he decided to forcefully thrust himself to his safe bubble wherein the male thought he could be safe from anything - anything but unwanted thoughts, and these thoughts involved a certain blond-haired guy who had the cutest smile in it. 

Whether it would be hazy daydreams or random crippling thoughts, Jeonghan would always occupy Joshua's mind without fail. The latter tried to stop himself from thinking of the former and drove the thoughts away as much as he could but the thoughts of Jeonghan would always linger behind no matter what. Eventually, Joshua gave up and decided to just let things - happen. If he would have thoughts that would involve Jeonghan in it, then screw it. 

There was nothing he could do anyway.

Seungkwan went to his seat afterwards, and if he ever noticed the change of Joshua's demeanor and his mood, at least the male didn't question it or spit out teasings that could truly drive Joshua to the brink of insanity and test out the string of patience he had left.

Joshua was glad for his silence.

He was being ridiculous, he was being stupid, but he was stupidly in love, what else could he do?

And when their teacher finally came, all Joshua could think about was just _Jeonghan, Jeonghan_ and _Jeonghan._

***

Joshua didn't want to leave.

He truly didn't want to leave.

But his bladder was killing him.

And he couldn't hold it in anymore.

"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom real quick!" Laced with no hesitation and laziness, Joshua immediately stood up from his seat and dashed to the nearest bathroom he could find as he didn't want to miss out the fun and let the others consume the entire food without having him taste not even a single dish but not before he could hear the loud voice of Seungcheol yelling, "Hurry up or else we'll finish the food! And I mean all of it!" that fueled his burning determination and made himself run a little bit faster. 

Relief flooded over Joshua's features when he managed to spot a bathroom right away, silently thanking the universe with a sigh that he didn't have to undergo an impossible to mssion just to find a place that he could bless his surroundings with but the male soon realized that it was too early to be grateful and reluctantly took back everything that he had thought of when he ran into the very Kim Mingyu by the doorway - colliding with the body his crush was dating, even - but he was glad no one fell to the floor because if Joshua did, his bladder would've exploded at that very moment and it would be truly embarrassing.

Especially since in front of him was the person his crush was dating.

"I'm sorry." They both said in the same time. Silence paid a visit and enveloped them with an atmosphere that was unfortunately tangled with strings of awkwardness and uncertainty but it soon vanished to the thin air at the sound of their chuckles and giggles prevading the place. "Are you really okay? We kinda bumped into each other a little too harshly."

"It's fine." With a quick flash of a smile that subtly answered Joshua's thrown question, Mingyu moved aside immediately and made way for Joshua to come in and do his business. Relief washed over Joshua when he managed to bless his surroundings and answer to nature's calling, and when he was done washing his hands, the male walked back outside only to find himself surprised at the figure infront of him.

The male thought that Mingyu already left, seeing as the younger male was quite busy with a lot of things (and maybe dates even, Joshua thought) but he was caught off his guard when he found Mingyu outside the bathroom with a phone firmly clutched in his hand, making Joshua emit out a small noise accidentally that caught the other male's attention.

When the two met eyes, they both shared a smile, one that was laced with amusement and acknowledgment.

It was quite obvious that Mingyu was waiting for Jeonghan - Joshua didn't need to ask him that - and to protect his broken heart, he wanted to flee the place immediately. He knew that he should flee the place immediately. The male knew that if he would stay any longer, then he would truly witness something that could crush his broken heart more and have something to dream about every night without fail, and torture his heart even more to the point that it would crave death and wished for someone to end its beat that called out Jeonghan's name in every throb.

And so, Joshua found himself walking out of the place.

But before he could even take two light steps away, Joshua spared Mingyu a glance and uttered out to him oh so softly, "Congrats, Mingyu. You managed to steal Jeonghan's attention, as well as his heart."

"I didn't think that he liked me too, honestly, but he makes me so happy. And I make him happy too." There was a faint blush painted all over Mingyu's cheeks and he was wearing a bright smile that could put down the sun into shame. The male was glowing - radiant, even - and it was as clear as the day that Mingyu was happy, only a fool could not see that but Joshua was no fool. He knew what was fantasy, and what was reality. He knew what the definition of what was meant to be, and the meaning of what was not. 

And he knew that Jeonghan was making Mingyu happy, and that the latter was also making Jeonghan happy too.

There was a sting. There was a part of him that died but for some reason, Joshua could say that he was okay.

He was okay.

As long as they were happy.

As long as Jeonghan was happy.

"I wish you two all the best in life." Joshua smiled, one that was laced with sincerity. 

"Tell Jeonghan that for me too, alright?" The male continued, and with one quick nod that was accompanied with a smile from Mingyu, Joshua finally left.

There was no reason for him to stay.

And when he saw Jeonghan along the way, carrying a bright smile that declared his eagerness to see Mingyu, Joshua didn't spare him a glance. They passed by each other. No shared glances, no quick nods and no smiles of acknowledgment. 

The future was still unknown to them, and even though they didn't talk anymore, Joshua had some memories he could hold on to. And for now, he was okay.


End file.
